PARAPROSDOKIANS

Like I mentioned in yesterdays post, I had a flat on my way in to work where I tried to nurse but I had to stop and change it one mile from work. In the afternoon I found out my front tire was flat again, I pumped it, checked again later, flat. WTH, it was anew tube never used.  I had to ask a friend at work to drive me to the local bike shop to buy a couple of tubes for the hot, muggy ride home and I enjoyed it, although  being the first real hot day this spring I was a little gassed went I got home. 87 today, enjoy.
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  PARAPROSDOKIANS: (Winston Churchill loved them.)




Here is the definition:

...

"Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or

phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous

situation." "Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a type of

paraprosdokian.



1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his

level and beat you with experience.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on

my list.

3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people

appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left..

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not

putting it in a fruit salad.

8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and

then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from

many is research.

10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is

where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted

paychecks.

12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says,

'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down

the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are

sexy.

15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall

of a successful man is usually another woman.

16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a

parachute to skydive twice.

18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier

to live with.

19. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone

down so they can't get away.

20. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

21. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call

whatever you hit the target.

23. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

25. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than

standing in a garage makes you a car.

26. Where there's a will, there's relatives.